Is anyone listening?

Have you ever felt like you talk so much, yet no one is actually listening to you? Like they listen and converse with you but, the advice and wisdom you are trying to impart on them goes in one ear and out the other. It's like they don't really hear or believe you. It feels dismissive and is extremely frustrating especially when your only intention is to help and show them love. 

I don't feel like anyone is really hearing me lately. And I get it. I know that I have not always been a stellar human being. I fully admit that I've made more than enough bad decisions and mistakes, deeply hurt the ones I love the most. I have spoken harsh words when they should have been tender, been unkind when I should have been compassionate, and have been resentful when I should have been thankful. I stayed silent when I should have spoken up. So, I understand why I have people questioning the truth and validity behind my words. Given who I was and what I have been through it makes sense that they are skeptical. 

But the part that is most frustrating is that they aren't hearing that I have changed. I have looked back at all the painful situations and life experiences and turned them into something good. I learned the lessons that life had been trying to teach me. Over and over again, the same situation and experience would present itself until I finally got it. Until I truly understood and learned the lesson that I needed to improve to become the best version of myself. So, perhaps others just cannot see this change in me because it wasn't an instant change. It was a gradual change, like a tree's growth- slow and steady. 

Reflecting on my journey, I realize that the last few years have been particularly difficult. I was fighting the currents of change, determined to stay in the familiar form that I was accustomed to. I was attached to some idea of who I was supposed to be and had a hard time seeing and believing that my life could be any other way. I kept holding on to all that I had lost and focusing on all the wrong things. I wasn't being true to myself, and I didn't comprehend the true meaning and importance of change. Nor did I fully recognize the power and necessity of using my voice. 

 Looking back, I am not really sure where I lost my voice, or to whom or what circumstance. I honestly never remember being one to speak up or stand up for myself. So, as you can imagine, I ran into a lot of misunderstandings and issues when I began to speak. I'd fumble my words, feel anxious and worried about what people would think. There were even a few times that I came across as rude or mean. This process of transformation isn't easy. It's difficult to unlearn ingrained patterns of thinking and behavior to make an impactful life change, especially when you're not sure what or who you are becoming. 

Through all the ups and downs I have had on this journey I have learned that the only thing that we can count on in life is change, it is the only constant in this world we live in. It is all around us. The wind is changing speed and directions all the time. The clouds drift across the sky, melting into one another. The nature of life is change. It should be embraced and celebrated because to be honest, how dull would life be if we always saw the same shape of clouds and the wind only blew in one direction at one speed? That kind of predictability leaves no room for the indescribable beauty that change brings, making life vibrant and full of surprises. 

And I will continue to journey down this path constant change. Allowing myself to embrace each moment as I flow with the ever-changing currents of life. Because each day that I continue to transform, I become a better version of myself. A healthier, happier, more authentic version of the beautiful soul that I truly am. 

Much Love, Kira